Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Godwin's Law, Universal

Godwin's law is kind of hilarious; it is purely descriptive, as Godwin used "law" in the scientific sense, while it is almost universally invoked normatively.  Imagine if you fell down and then someone angrily accused you of "Gravity!"  It would make a pretty good tweet I bet.

The reason any discussion will eventually result in a comparison to the Nazis is that they have transcended history and entered our secular mythology collectively as a dark god of modernity, the apotheosis of Evil in a scientific age.  So, whenever we detect the stirrings of human brutality, we see the tendrils of the evil for which the Nazis are the fullest flower at work. 

The reason Nazis will enter every discussion is not because of hyperbole or error; it is, instead, because the desire to self-righteously annihilate that which is "wrong" is universal, lurking continuously in our hearts, and, at some point or another, will animate each and every one of us as we call into ourselves the spirit of exultant destruction.  Just lets try not to have any power or guns or organizations when it happens. 

Monday, August 22, 2011

Whoo Hoo, suck it pussies!

Everyone who opposed the Libyan war is wrong.  I can't imagine this not working out, now that Qaddafi will probably be executed.  Also thank God no one was killed. What?  Don't worry about it.

One of the shittiest things about trying to develop any kind of coherent moral system is that you realize you live in a giant machine, engaged in the systematic brutalization of the very fiber of the cosmos, in which you are one of countless drones pulling the levers to more perfectly align the gears and that a moment of heroic altruism will effectively result in your lever going unpulled--and the grinding destruction slowing--for a moment of time so infintesimally small that modern science has yet to develop the capacity to observe it outside of the large hadron collider.

Buck up! Defeatism is gross!  Don't forget how craaaazy those teabaggers are!!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Comment Policy FAQ

Can I swear?

Yes.

Can I use racist/misogynist/homophobic/etc epithets?

No.

I think you and/or other commenters are dead wrong, can I say so?

If you plan on engaging and making an argument, please do.  If you plan on blockquoting a statement and then writing "No" then fuck off.

But what if you and/or other commenters are so obviously wrong it is not even worth arguing?

If I and/or another commenter are that obviously wrong it should be trivially easy to articulate the reason.  If you can't do so, its probably not because We didn't think things through...


Friday, August 12, 2011

Dear Google+

Please stop suggesting I add my ex-girlfriend's current boyfriend to my circles.  I'm sure he is a terrific guy,  but we have never met in person so it would be kind of weird.  For similar reasons, please stop recommending I add his brother.

Sincerely,
CJF

Monday, August 8, 2011

Who is IOZ? Definitely.

How have I only recently discovered this [person]?  I've been poking through the archives and he/she/it is pretty consistently amazing.

Thank god New York just crammed us into a wheeled soapbox and gave it a quick kick down the gay marriage slippery slope - now passing robot marriage, next stop a TV Show starring a particularly finicky microwave, draped in white muslin.  Once we've gone down that road, marriage to a quasi-fantastical blog persona will seem down right reactionary.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

These Vampires Don't Sparkle in the Daylight. Still Kind of Like Abusive Boyfriends Though.

The Blood-Sucking, Parasitically Osbsolete Middleman Industry Association of America, which inexplicably acronames itself the MPAA or RIAA, depending on the context, has yet again taken a break from whining about how its not fair that people don't buy player-piano sheet music anymore* in order to prove conclusively that it is still taking the entirely wrong example from China's economic success.  This time its trying to get ISPs to disconnect people who pay for internet connections that may have been used for infringement, without actually proving that they themselves infringed.**  Because that would be too hard.

Ignoring, for the moment, the choruses of the Badge Bunnies and other Outer Party aspirants, bellowing their authoritarian hogwash about the need to lock down wifi in order to live unmolested in a free society,*** let us just bear in mind that denying people access to the means of communication because they have used it in a way that undermines a legally sanctioned monopoly on the dissemination of information is functionally indistinguishable from censorship.  Hence the China comparison.

I know, I know China is totally different.  First of all there is a difference between protecting the state and protecting private interest.  Secondly,  China is attempting to suppress speech which is critical of the state, while denying Internet access for copyright infringement is intended only to protect the economic interests of copyright holders.  Both of these distinctions are true.  They are also irrelevant when we consider this - the actions of the MPAA/RIAA (as an agent of its constituents) and the Chinese government are both taken in order to solidify their hold on centralized power.   In the case of the MPAA/RIAA, its member corporations have two forms of power - a monopoly on vast swaths of our culture and, more importantly, money.  Both of these centers of power are threatened by unsanctioned copying just as the political power of the Chinese government is threatened by unauthorized criticism.  Just as a totalitarian government needs to control the minds of its citizens as well as their bodies, the industrial components of a corporatist state rely their state-sanctioned control of production to maintain their status.  And this status must be maintained, regardless of whether the status quo benefits society at large, or even the interests of the group which is purportedly being represented.  Remember, instiutional decisions are still made by human beings who, by virtue of being the in a position to make decisions generally have a great deal invested in the status quo from which they benefit so handsomely.  Behind the institutional facades of the PRC Politburo and the RIAA, are bureaucrats and executives fighting to maintain this privilege.

__

* In other news, the International Brotherhood of Bards, Minstrels and Skjalds is optimistic for the first time this century now that trivially easy copying allows any performer to market themselves and develop a revenue stream without relying on notoriously rapacious middlemen.

**Of course the absence of due process has been noted and addressed ad infinitum I'm sure.  While it is disturbing it is also depressingly common - as more of what we consider necessary to our day to day existence becomes a commercial service, the corporation eclipses the nation-state as the institution with the most influence upon our lives.  As the actions of any given corporation are not limited by the Constitution (which limits only the power of government), due process will cease to protect us from the arbitrary exercise of power.

***This incoherent line of "thought" will make sense in 2050 when Oldspeak has been fully implemented, at which point we will finally be compelled to address their "arguments."

Friday, June 10, 2011

Fun Things to Do For TSA Security Screenings


1. Put a comically stereotyped toy bomb in one carry-on bag and a 3.6 ounce bottle of liquids in the other. Make it a game and try to guess which bag will be searched!

2. For the porno-scan - Three words: Fake Tail Underpants.

3. Refuse your porno-scan. But first! Spill water (or urine) on your crotch in preparation for the oft-demanded TSA Shocker-search. Two in the pink, one in the Constitution!

3a. OR wear a knee length dildo under your pants for your search - everyone loves surprises! (Pssst! Ladies, this one works even better you!)

3b. OR get a boner. (Pssst! Ladies, this one works even better you! [What's a lady?])