1. Put a comically stereotyped toy bomb in one carry-on bag and a 3.6 ounce bottle of liquids in the other. Make it a game and try to guess which bag will be searched!
2. For the porno-scan - Three words: Fake Tail Underpants.
3. Refuse your porno-scan. But first! Spill water (or urine) on your crotch in preparation for the oft-demanded TSA Shocker-search. Two in the pink, one in the Constitution!
3a. OR wear a knee length dildo under your pants for your search - everyone loves surprises! (Pssst! Ladies, this one works even better you!)
3b. OR get a boner. (Pssst! Ladies, this one works even better you! [What's a lady?])
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